Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Guns of Acadia

Starring Dick and Liz Cheney, this new movie tells the uplifting tale of a father and daughter enjoying their new right to shoot guns in national parks. After much deliberation over an ancient Rand McNally road atlas, touchingly shot in black and white - alligators in the Everglades? bears in the Smokies? liberals in Yellowstone? - "Buster" and "Bambi" decide to try for endangered Canada lynxes in Acadia National Park. Their old friend W (played by an avatar of himself) drives his cigarette boat up from Kennebunkport to join them, but throws a tantrum until they let him have the first shot - after all, he started the whole idea going along with his friends at the NRA (played by their lobbyists).

The emotional highlight of the movie shows Buster atop Mt. Cadillac at dawn, greeting the new day and shouting, "Why shouldn't we carry guns anywhere we want, including national parks? Criminals and moose and terrorists and Democrats could stand just inside a park boundary, thumbing their noses at us!! No, sorry, not Democrats - the President and Congress kindly allowed this bill to stand. Thank you, thank you."

But the dastardly Maine legislature is considering a bill to deny the right again!

"Don't you have any influence in this state?" Buster demands of w.

"Not since Putin visited," w says sadly.

"If we hurry," Bambi says, "maybe there's still time to shoot up a campground."

This trailer brought to you by the NRA: "Guns don't kill people, moose kill people."

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